MY FIREFLY
you are stubborn, selfish and lonely when I met you and my goal is to help you change..
i had broken rules when i loved you and i am ready to break any rules just to be with you..
i have so much love for you that I even cried millions of tears when you left..
even if i know that it's coming, i neither make myself ready nor prepare myself to lessen the pain..
i watched you walk away while i watched myself slowly dying at the same time..
those dreams that i have dreamed for us vanished at my very eyes..
you pushed me away and made me feel that I am only adding to your pain, our being together was just an accident and you were just pressured by your friends...
I tried to understand you despite of the pain, but you didn't let me..
you drifted away from me and live your life as if you were the only person that matter in this world..
I neither heard any apology from you by any means nor explained anything, you just said "it was never easy.."
i pretended brave infront of you and half smiled while telling you "i understand.." but as you turned away i broke down and die..
days, weeks, months had passed we still see each other, not as a lovers, not as friends but painfully just acquaintance.. I realized i never really knew you at all, but i can't deny that i still love you..
i see every inch of you from a distance.. from bitterness to anger, from sensitivity to hatred..
from night to night, i cry myself to sleep because i cant' do anything to help you..
and pulling myself away from any emotions that would make you feel my pain is the hardest..
when one day, i saw you happy with someone else..
i cry millions of tears everyday seeing you happy with her that it would be better for you to stab me and leave me lifeless..
but despite of my own pain, i needed to swallow everything just to see you happy..
because that's what i want you to be even if i have to pretend that I'm fine ..
i just told myself that maybe i'm not the right person who would give you what you need, who would change your life and who would bring color to your life...
you, being contented so to speak, gave way for us to be friends again, maybe you're thinking that since you had already moved on, maybe i did too..
but you're wrong.. because I do still love you..
years after years, I accepted the fact that it would be impossible for us to be together again so i started to move on.. and as I do, we became closer..
we shared thoughts, we shared dreams and even shared things that we had never shared before..
I could say that you became one of my very best friend till then..
we talked so much about many things, about life, events, and other people but not about our feelings back then..
we talked almost every hour of the day and from midnight 'till dawn
and I see you change from stubborn to funny, from sensitivite to caring and from selfish to considerate...
now as I looked at you, happy, enthusiastic and a little bit contented, gives me a relief and releases me from the feeling that you needed me..
whether I have contributed to your change or not, I am still ovewhelmed by your change..
whether you considered me as part of your change or not, I am still happy seeing you having a life..
and until this very moment, the love that I had for you back then is the same love that I have..
and until the day that I die, I will forever be your firefly..
i had broken rules when i loved you and i am ready to break any rules just to be with you..
i have so much love for you that I even cried millions of tears when you left..
even if i know that it's coming, i neither make myself ready nor prepare myself to lessen the pain..
i watched you walk away while i watched myself slowly dying at the same time..
those dreams that i have dreamed for us vanished at my very eyes..
you pushed me away and made me feel that I am only adding to your pain, our being together was just an accident and you were just pressured by your friends...
I tried to understand you despite of the pain, but you didn't let me..
you drifted away from me and live your life as if you were the only person that matter in this world..
I neither heard any apology from you by any means nor explained anything, you just said "it was never easy.."
i pretended brave infront of you and half smiled while telling you "i understand.." but as you turned away i broke down and die..
days, weeks, months had passed we still see each other, not as a lovers, not as friends but painfully just acquaintance.. I realized i never really knew you at all, but i can't deny that i still love you..
i see every inch of you from a distance.. from bitterness to anger, from sensitivity to hatred..
from night to night, i cry myself to sleep because i cant' do anything to help you..
and pulling myself away from any emotions that would make you feel my pain is the hardest..
when one day, i saw you happy with someone else..
i cry millions of tears everyday seeing you happy with her that it would be better for you to stab me and leave me lifeless..
but despite of my own pain, i needed to swallow everything just to see you happy..
because that's what i want you to be even if i have to pretend that I'm fine ..
i just told myself that maybe i'm not the right person who would give you what you need, who would change your life and who would bring color to your life...
you, being contented so to speak, gave way for us to be friends again, maybe you're thinking that since you had already moved on, maybe i did too..
but you're wrong.. because I do still love you..
years after years, I accepted the fact that it would be impossible for us to be together again so i started to move on.. and as I do, we became closer..
we shared thoughts, we shared dreams and even shared things that we had never shared before..
I could say that you became one of my very best friend till then..
we talked so much about many things, about life, events, and other people but not about our feelings back then..
we talked almost every hour of the day and from midnight 'till dawn
and I see you change from stubborn to funny, from sensitivite to caring and from selfish to considerate...
now as I looked at you, happy, enthusiastic and a little bit contented, gives me a relief and releases me from the feeling that you needed me..
whether I have contributed to your change or not, I am still ovewhelmed by your change..
whether you considered me as part of your change or not, I am still happy seeing you having a life..
and until this very moment, the love that I had for you back then is the same love that I have..
and until the day that I die, I will forever be your firefly..
